i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
