Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
