i need an iv and a liver transplant
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
it hurts more in the daytime
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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