woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
