my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
