Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
