You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
