It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize