This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
