Sorry, I don't speak sober.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
