ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
