Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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