got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
