If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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