She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
