You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
