Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
