are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
