It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
