OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
