why didn't you poke me back
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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