I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
