i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
