hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
