how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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