What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
