the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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