so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
do herpes really smell.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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