Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
This is my gift to your gina
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
