Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
