im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
