im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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