he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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