I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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