Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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