I wish my penis had an off switch
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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