i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
