Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
