Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize