but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
