This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
