Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Less talking, more tequila
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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