well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
