theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
