i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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