Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
