Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
