I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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