3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
