just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
