One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
