Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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