Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
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