I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I need moral support for this bender
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
