I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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