Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
