I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
