i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
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