I wish my penis had an off switch
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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