I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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