there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
His nipple licking is glorious
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