It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
