my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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