just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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