Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
