I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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