Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
