but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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