i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
