that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
