Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
