Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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