Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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