The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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