i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
