I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
