dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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