I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
