i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
