Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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